


After the Honeymoon

by Shotzette



Category: Laverne & Shirley (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:48:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23061991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shotzette/pseuds/Shotzette
Summary: Takes place a few days after "Honeymoon Hotel".
Relationships: Laverne DeFazio/Lenny Kosnowski, Shirley Feeney/Carmine Ragusa
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5





	After the Honeymoon

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Missy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missy/gifts).



Laverne sank deeper into the sofa as she crammed her second Scooter Pie into her mouth. The one good things about your roommate having plans on a Tuesday night meant you had the milk, Pepsi, Scooter Pie, and the sexiness of Lloyd Bridges in swim trunks all to yourself. Nothing could possibly go wro-- Her head whipped around at the sound of her front door being slammed open.

“Hey, Laverne,” Lenny said as he barged in, thankfully alone for once, “Mrs. Babbish asked me to haul her trunk back down to the basement.”

Laverne wince. Good by Lloyd, see you next week. “Totally slipped my mind.” She groaned as she got off of the couch and brushed the chocolate crumbs from the Scooter Pies off of her sweatshirt. Much to her annoyance, Lenny’s eyes followed her hands, but at least he didn’t bite his palm. He was actually a lot easier to deal with when Squiggy wasn’t at his side. “I still need to pack up the dress,” she said as she headed towards her bedroom. The sound of heavy footsteps behind her made her turn around. “Why are you following me?”

Lenny looked disappointed. “I was gonna help?”

Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. “In the bedroom?”

“A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta—ow!” Lenny rubbed his aching ribs and glared at Laverne.

“Hands to yourself! The only reason that I’m even letting you in the bedroom—quit biting your palm—Is I don’t wanna haul that heavy trunk out here by myself.”

“Wow. I thought you girls would have packed everything up by now.” 

Laverne’s cheeks reddened as she realized how ridiculous their bedroom looked with all of the dresses strewn about. “Shirl liked looking at the dresses. And I kind of did too,” she added as her glare dared him to say anything obnoxious.

Lenny just shrugged. “I’ll help you fold them for free.”

Laverne’s eyes narrowed in suspicion. “Mrs. B is paying you?”

He nodded. “Fifty cents. She does that some time,” Lenny elaborated. “The only rule is I can’t tell Squiggy or give him any of the money.”

Laverne’s respect of her landlady grew significantly. “Wow. How much do you have?”

“Twenty-two fifty,” Lenny stated proudly as he puffed out his chest.

“Twenty-two fifty!”

Lenny immediately jumped forward and clapped his hand over her mouth, “Shhh! Not so loud. Squig’s little, but his ears are big,” he said as his eyes darted around manically. “I just like having some cold cash stashed away… Never mind,” he added, “I’ve said too much.

Laverne frowned as she picked up the white dress. During their hotel antics it had become wrinkled, imbued with Shirley’s perfume, and—what she hoped-- were champagne stains. “Jeez, I can’t return it like this. I’ll hang it up in the shower and let the steam do its work while we pack the rest…”

“I can help you in there if you know, you got any hard to reach areas—Ow! Watch the ribs, Laverne!” He glared at her as he once again rubbed his side. “Your sharp little elbows hurt,” he hollered at her back as she carried the white wedding dress into the bathroom and started the shower.

As usual, it took ninety seconds or so for the water to stop coming out brown and another two minutes for the hot water to start. She hoped the hot taps would be filled enough before her shower later that evening.  
After she stayed long enough to ensure the dress was close enough to the faucet to get the benefit of the steam, but not get wet—especially since the rusty water made a second appearance, she entered her bedroom only to be shocked by the sight of a jacket-less Lenny trying to get the “Here We Go Again Red” dress over his head. “Stop!”

“I would have made a pretty bride…” Lenny let out a particularly grating whine as she yanked the red dress off over his head.

“Would you stop that!”, Laverne growled between gritted teeth. “Len, some days… “she began before her attention was distracted by the pile of dresses that had been knocked to the floor during their scuffle. As she laid pile after pile of satin, lace, and taffeta on her bed, the pink chiffon number caught her eye.

“You’d be real pretty in that.”

She was about to respond with a smart comment, when she realized that Lenny’s facial expression was sincere. “Nah. It’s pink. I think it’s from Mrs. B’s second or third wedding. Nope. Gonna wear white. If it kills me,” she added through gritted teeth.

“Why?”

Laverne rolled her eyes in exasperation, “Len, you know what a white dress means, right?”

“You can’t wear it after Labor Day?” 

“No. It means that the bride is, you know…”

Lenny shook his head. “No, I don’t think I do. But that ain’t nothing new.”

Laverne felt a warm flush creep up her cheeks. How did I get into this conversation with Lenny in my bedroom? “It means she’s never vodey oh doed.”

Lenny looked even more confused if that was possible. “So why do the grooms gotta wear monkey suits? Or their church clothes if they don’t gotta monkey?”

“Nobody really cares about what guys do before they get married.” The bitterness in her tone surprised Laverne.

Lenny shook his head. “That ain’t fair.”

Laverne forced a tight smile onto her face. “No, but what you gonna do?” she said flippantly as she turned away and busied herself with the dresses. A smile crossed her lips. “Shirley looked so pretty…”

Lenny shrugged. “I mean, she always looks nice—you can tell she takes a lot of baths, but I didn’t think that dress did her any favors.”

“Len!”

He flinched as if expecting another blow. “I know, I know, it was the only white one. I get it. It just didn’t look right on her, that’s all.”

“Never ever let her hear you say that,” Laverne warned. “We got a chance at a great weekend at a fancy hotel, and we took it. Of course,” she added with a shrug, “we ain’t allowed within a hundred yards of the Pfister Hotel now, but we had our fun.”

Lenny guffawed. “I’ll say! The circus party was fun.”

“Did Squiggy really leave with the bearded lady?” Laverne asked, grateful for a change of subject.

He nodded. “I drove them home. He and Brian—I never knew that was a girl’s name before, go figure, had a good time. They wanted some alone time in the apartment…”

“I don’t want to know about this…”

Lenny looked aghast. “I didn’t stay and peep! I’m not some kind of a pre-vert. Well, not that kind”

“That’s good to know,” she said, suppressing a shudder and realizing just how alone she was with him.

“I went down to the Pizza Bowl for a slice.”

“You didn’t tell my Pop what we were doing, did you?” 

“I ain’t got a death wish. Besides, I ran into Mrs. B. who gave me a whole dollar to keep my mouth shut. More cold cash…” Lenny added as he rubbed his hands together. “Anywho, guess who I saw there?”

“Who?”

“Guess.”

“Lenny…”

“Carmine.”

Laverne snorted derisively and shook her head. “No, he was working late. That’s why he had to leave and how I got stuck wearing a tux and a fake mustache. It still hurts,” she said as she rubbed her upper lip. Do you see bumps?”

“No more than usual. Ow!” He rubbed his midsection again and glared at her. Lenny smirked as he said, “He may have been wearing a mambo shirt earlier, but he was dressed up with a Mrs. Lucille Lockwash on his arm. And probably other parts of him later on.”

“Lenny!”

“You don’t believe me?”

“Maybe…” Laverne once again looked at the dresses.

“I thought he and Shirley were—"

“I kind of did too,” she admitted, “I mean, they’re out tonight.”

“That’s great! A nice romantic date and they’ll be back—"

“They’re at the drive in.”

Lenny frowned. “All that’s playing at the Rialto is The Nun’s Story. That would be really hard to make out to."

“Yeah.”

“They’re probably the only people at the drive in.”

“Yeah. I mean, Shirley tried to call him when we found out that they were going to want pictures all weekend, but I guess he never got the messages she left.”

He favored her with a sour look. “Really?”

“Well... I don’t know. They’re dating, they’re not dating and are friends—I need a scorecard to keep up.”

“I think that Carmine is the one who needs the scorecard—ow!”

Laverne shook her head. “Y’know, the last thing that Shirley needs is us gossiping about her and Carmine. I’m going to get the wedding dress out of the bathroom before it’s a wet mess. Let’s just get all of these dresses packed away before I spill milk and Pepsi on something.”

Lenny looked like he wanted to argue further, but winced and rubbed his sore ribs instead. “Ok. But, Laverne… I really think you should try the pink one on. Besides, if that one gets a little wrinkly, it won’t make the white one look so bad.”

She tried to find a flaw in his idea and for once could not. She looked down at the waves of pink chiffon in front of her and smiled. What could it hurt? “Ok. No trying on the red one when I’m in the bathroom, though.”

“I don’t got the waistline for it.”

Laverne walked into the now steamy bathroom and hung the pink dress up on the shower rod next to the white one that Shirley had worn and turned off the faucet in the tub. After securely the bathroom door and listening for the sound of her dresser drawers being opened, she kicked off her Keds. Her sweatshirt and jeans quickly landed on a pile on the bathroom floor as she struggled into the dress. She inhaled as she pulled up the zipper on her left side. The last thing she needed was to have to explain to Mrs. Babbish how she managed to bust a seam on her dress. She exhaled slowly and the dress fit like it had been made for her.

Laverne looked into the now steam-free mirror and sharply drew in her breath. Even with no make up on and her hair mussed, she looked amazing. The pale pink was surprisingly flattering to her skin tone and the dress seemed to have been tailor made for her with its flattering length and neckline. She’d never felt more beautiful in her life. 

She was so wrapped up in her reflection that the noise of the living room bathroom door made her yelp in surprise.

“Hey Laverne, are you sure all those dresses fit in the trunk? The red one isn’t going in without a fight. I—wow.” The last word was said in a lower octave than she was used to hearing come out of Lenny’s mouth.

“You were right, Len,” she said as she nodded, never looking away from her reflection, “I really love this dress.”

“Really? I don’t hear that a lot.” He shrugged as he eyed her up and down in an awestruck way. “Maybe when you find Mr. Right, Mrs. Babbish will let you borrow it?”

“It ain’t white, Len.”

He rolled his eyes. “Who cares? It’s you. Besides, the Pfister Hotel might have another contest and they might not recognize you.”

“Sure Len,” she mumbled absently.

“You never know.” He took a deep breath and stood up straighter. “For what it’s worth, I could sub in as the groom.” His eyes locked with hers in the bathroom mirror. “And I wouldn’t leave you ten minutes later. You can count on that.” Lenny blinked and then looked away. “I’ll go back to folding,” he muttered as he walked out of the bathroom.

Laverne stared at herself for several more seconds. She closed her eyes and tried to visualize wearing the pink dress on her big day, while not giving a damn about anyone else’s opinion. As she pictured herself in the front of the beautiful stone archway at St. Michael’s, she could help picturing a tall, blond groom in his Sunday church suit standing by her side.


End file.
